After last week’s insanely badass ending of True Blood, we know you couldn’t wait to watch Sookie terrorize Warlow with her lethal fairy-ball. And the latest True Blood episode, ‘F**k the Pain Away,’ brought all the pizzazz you Sooklow shippers – we definitely need to come up with a better celebrity couple name for Sookie and Warlow – have been craving.
So pop out your fangs and get ready to sink ’em into all the blood-soaked details from this week’s suspensefully awesome episode.
Vampire-Killing Ball of Light
After Sookie threatens Warlow with her “vampire-killing ball of light” he reveals that he loves her and that it’s their destiny to be together. Holy twist! Who could’ve thought that the same dude who killed Sookie’s parents could also love our dazzling Merlott’s waitress?
Warlow tells Sookie that on the eve her parents died, the Stackhouse parents were intent on killing their own daughter — so he was actually the one who saved Sookie. Sookie squeals “bulls**t” as she zaps Warlow. Her attack strangely triggers something within Bill. We thought it was bizzaro enough when Bill bursts in to Sookie’s home — but then Bill summons Warlow. Wait, I’m sorry, what?! Apparently, Billith is Warlow’s maker. Now I’m even more confused…
Ah! The Scent of Fairy Goodness
Flashback to 3500 BC: We see Warlow lounging with his baby mama but he soon leaves her side to have nasty sex with Lilith. After Lilith gets a proper sniff of his fairy goodness, she f**ks and then turns Warlow, who proceeds to massacre his entire village. He lets Niall live but then returns to kill Lilith — well he tries to, but she’s obviously still up and at ’em, doing her thing.
A Little Bit of Blood Goes a Long Way
Jess is a bloody-teared after killing all of Andy Bellfleur’s fairy children. With all that fairy blood pumping through her veins, Jess launches herself onto Bill and kisses her maker, which feels like so wrong on so many levels. Andy shows up at Bill’s and freaks seeing his dead kiddos scattered about. He finds one child still left breathing, gives her a drop of V, and thankfully revives her.
Rawr! What a Catfight
Sarah Newlin is still trying to convince Governor Burrell to not only send Willa to camp but to also take a cue from Beyoncé and put a ring on it. After getting flat-out rejected from Burrell, Sarah pops over to Jason’s to save his soul… and (pardon my French) f**k the s**t out of him in the hottest sex scene like ever.
High on fairy blood, Jess also comes to Jason for some loving affection — but, finding Sarah there, she instead ends up in a catfight with Sarah. Bye bye, Jess — you’re off to vamp camp. Gah!
Welcome to Vamp Camp
Tara discloses to Eric that the vamp cops have snatched Pam away. So the two vampers turn themselves in to the vampire po-po thinking that, once at vampire camp, they can save Eric’s protege. Eh, we’re not so sure this is a smart idea, guys…
We then get a glimpse of camp, where Eric plays a shooting game of racquet ball while Pam gets forced into therapy. Willa meanwhile, while surely sulking about getting booted into her father’s very own vamp camp, is at least treated to some swanky V.I.P. quarters.
In a twisted game later on, Sarah Newlin surprises Governor Burrell with Eric’s captivity. And then the crazed blondie tries to force Eric and Pam into a game of gladiator. This camp is insane.
Peace Out, Sookie
Sookie seeks her own therapy sesh with Lafayette where she unveils that she sort of believes that Warlow loves her. The two do some voodoo s**t to call on Sookie’s parents and we see a flashback of Warlow asking Sookie’s parents to let him make her his princess and turn her into a fairy-vamp like himself.
After getting spooked out by Warlow, Mr. Stackhouse believes the only solution is to kill off Sookie — which he tried to do on the fateful evening he and his wife passed away. Papa Stackhouse’s spirit then hops into Lafayette’s body to end Sookie’s life like he failed to do while he was alive. And the episode hault with Sookie scrambling for air as she drowns. Dun dun dun…